Love, War, and Pizza
by YourConscience813
Summary: Nero, Dante, and a large pepperoni pizza with extra cheese. Come on, what could possibly go wrong? Oneshot. Language, Yaoi. Don't like, don't read. Please Read and Review!


Love, War, and Pizza. Oneshot. Oh, yes, another Devil May Cry fic. I need to do another skit with my friend soon. (It seems that we got a lot of hits with that one) Plus, we found someone who made a skit that was more random than ours. A challenge? Yes. Anyway, this story came to mind as I was eating pizza earlier with a friend. Thoughts. Then I was scarred for life when I left my friend in the room with the pizza for only four minutes. This was created a year or so ago but I never got around to posting it for some reason… I will continue to _try_ and post my stories, update- so on and so forth. Sorry for all the delays.

Disclaimer: I do not own Devil May Cry or any of their amazing characters.

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><p>Dante slowly descended the stairs down to the office of Devil May Cry. Slowly, indeed. He had slept in from a long night of work. Damn all those demons and their stupid ass annoyances. Well, at least the jobs pay well. Sort of. He should be thankful that business was booming than lying dead in the ditch like it usually was. Ever since the kid came to stay at Devil May Cry with him did the demons start getting roused up again. That was months ago, now he just needed some rest. Maybe there was something to this 'getting older' thing after all…<p>

The half demon was so drowsy that he didn't care to put on a shirt this morning. Or… afternoon as some normal people would call it. At least he had on some form of pants. That made him somewhat proud that he remembered that much. All he had to remember was to change out of his lounge pants once the phones began ringing again.

"Yeesh, remind me to buy you an alarm clock from now on." The devil hunter peered upward as he plopped himself down in his chair. Lady had been killing the passing time with Nero at the pool table. Attempted to anyway, since most of the pool balls were missing and nobody would dare say a thing about it. It was a smart thing that you learned while you work here for a while.

Nero laughed as he leaned over the pool table, trying to make a shot. "Well," he began as he hit the cue ball, "The old man should get some down time. You know how crabby they can get." The cue ball ended up missing what he had been aiming for and going straight into the pocket. Sighing, he slumped back for the other's turn.

There was a sound at the door as the clicking of high-heeled boots filled the silence. "Don't pester him, sleeping beauty needs his rest." Trish voiced, walking into the building with a box of pizza in her hands. It made the half-demon perk up a bit, his ocean blue eyes glued to the monstrous size box. He unknowingly licked his lips. _'Maybe there is a God out there…' _The blond lazily tossed the box across the room, landing on the desk with a soft thud. "Maybe that would put a smile on his sad, sad face."

The guys were on that box in a matter of seconds, leaving the ladies out in the cold. Trish sat herself down on the end of the couch over looking the scene. Sure, she liked pizza _some_ of the time. However, _most_ of the time she didn't. This was one of those instances. For Lady, pizza was the least of her worries at the moment. She wanted some action and moreover, she wanted some cash.

Lady sat on the edge of the desk, checking over her nails subconsciously. She noticed as the elder devil hunter smirked as he took of piece and let it hang off his lips as he searched his desk for a magazine. Nero just retreated back to sit onto of the pool table with his slice. His eyes couldn't help but watch as the devil hunter attempted his search. _'That pizza is not going to last there… There's no way in hell, it's going to slip and fall into his…' _Swallowing, he perched himself on the pool table to peek over the desk, _'…Why do I even bother? Enjoy your own damn pizza, Nero.'_

In that little moment, the phone decided that it was time to ring.

An outstretched hand from the elder silver haired one reached up for the phone while he was still searching for a magazine. Multitasking is always what kills you in the end, right? Lady quickly picked the phone up just as the demon hunter's chair tipped over, causing him to crash onto the floor. "Devil May Cry, what's the job."

At least someone knew how to handle the phones…

After a few uh-huhs and okays, the phone was on its receiver once again. The brunet raised an eyebrow when she noticed that the other did not get off the ground. A quick glace over the desk showed her that he was determined to find that magazine. Sighing, she hopped off the desk and signaled the blond to follow. "It's another average demon infestation. We should be done with it in an hour or so." Before leaving, she took a brief look over her shoulder and sighed. "Dante… Don't get up; we wouldn't want you to strain yourself." Lady then switched her gaze at the younger half demon. "Make sure he didn't pull something."

The door slammed shut, leaving the place empty, as usual. Another name they should have picked out for the place would be the morgue. No one voiced out that they minded though, but they were thinking it. Nero continued on his pizza, looking between the door and the desk. A number of questions flooded his mind.

Should he leave and beg for the others to bring him with them? That would probably end up with them defeating whatever demons there were and the two dragging Nero to go shopping with them. No, that wouldn't be a smart move.

Should he be a good little boy and do what he was told? When has he ever done something like that? A good boy, as if.

Should he be a bad little boy and create hell for Dante?

'_Well folks, it seems that number three has it.' _Hopping off the pool table, he made his way over to the elder's desk. He still hasn't gotten up. That made the other raise an eyebrow and look over as Lady did before. There he was, having no luck to finding any magazines. Where was his porn when he needed it? Smirking, Nero straightened up once more. "You know, I think you retreated with most of your magazines to your room. Remember? Or is that too difficult for you?" Movement stopped, ceasing the search. "I'm glad I could help."

Dante quickly put a hand up on the table, his intensions to pull himself upright to go save his magazines. However, since he was in such a hurry, he didn't exactly know that he grabbed the side of the opened pizza box instead. The younger one chuckled as he saw the box flip over, landing on the other in a flop.

As it happened, he felt the heat of the cheese on his bare skin, making him jump and hit his head off the corner of the desk. The only thought that pasted through his mind was the, _'Pizza from hell,' _spell that he was cursing in silence. Hell, since when did pizza ever betray him like this? Why would it? It's acting as if it came right out of hell! He was always nice to pizza, he loved it. If it were legal- or even less creepy- he would marry it. Maybe cheat on it with a few hookers on his birthday, but hey, the pizza didn't have to know.

"Cute." The elder stood up then, without the help of the desk. A hand grabbed a large piece of the pizza, pealing it away from the skin on his face. Nero snickered as he saw melted cheese and sauce covering the skin from his face to the top of his chest. _'Ew, Trish decided to get extra cheese this time. Yuck.'_ Then he noticed the elder's- unusual- color in his hair and busted out into a hysteric laughter. "Very… cute, kid"

It wouldn't have been so bad if the cheese hadn't fused to his skin. Seriously, he wouldn't have minded it so much. Still holding onto the messed up crust of the hopeless pizza, Dante began stalking towards the other with a smug look on his face. "Woah… Wait a minute. What are you doing, old man." _'What the hell is the look on his face?' _He added silently, _'I don't know if I should be scared for my life or… Ha, ha… Great joke, Nero. You're full of jokes today…' _His crystal eyes widened as he knew that he couldn't outrun the other. Well, where the hell would he run to anyways? Down the street? Pssh, as if. Slowly, he staggered backwards, trying to flee from whatever the other was planning. "Calm down…"

"I'm calm… I'm not doing anything…" _'…That you wouldn't want…' _He flashed his pearly whites at the other, quickening his pace. "All I'm saying is that you're cute."

"Sure, old man." _'Cute… Cute? You have got to be kidding me?' _That combined with the smile made a faint blush to appear, either from flattery or embarrassment. It wasn't a situation that Nero wanted to look into at the moment. Looking over his shoulder, he found that the other had backed him up against a wall. Perfect. Trapped.

Dante leaned himself against the wall, the younger devil hunter trying his hardest to melt into the wall to get away. However, there was no such luck. Even though the kid was equipped with amazing abilities from his Devil Bringer, being the Amazing Melting Man wasn't one of them. A hand was placed on the wall next to Nero's head. _'The… Hell…?' _It got the other's attention, causing their gazes to meet. "However… I know what would make you even cuter."

As the elder leaned forward causing Nero to freeze, his train of thought crashing off it's rails. He could feel his hot breath only millimeters away. _'Is he really…' _Then, all too suddenly, the other pulled back and he was greeted with a deformed pizza in the face. Dante didn't stop there either, he rubbed the slices in the younger half demon's hair, making sure that cheese, sauce, and maybe a few surviving slices of pepperoni were stuck in the soft white.

"Now… That is dead sexy. I'll grab a slice of that any day." The remainder of the pizza was thrown at the elder who caught it uneasily against his chest. It made him laugh as Nero shrugged off his coat, leaving only his sleeveless vest and undershirt. The action made the elder quirk an eyebrow, _'If only… Pssh, that's kid's coat is like a security blanket to 'em, Just take the moment in stride...' _An odd thing to see him without his eight layers which consisted of his coat. Though, Dante wasn't the one complaining when the event occurs. "So, it's war… eh?"

"Oh… oh no…" Maneuvering through the office was easier than he would have thought at first. Then he tried to turning to run around the desk, where Dante crossed over to cut him off. The next thing Nero knew, he was flat on his back on the desk with the elder sitting on his lap. Blinking a few times, he stared in confusion as the other licked his lower lip, his gaze at the younger one. _'Okay, calm yourself down. Calm. God damn it! What's wrong with you! Why is it that I feel dizzy all of a sudden?' _He breathed out, realizing he was holding it in for quite some time.

Dante grabbed both of his wrists, pinning them above Nero's head with one hand. This would be some trick to pull off since the kid's Devil Bringer is stronger than just one of his arms. The look on his face worried the younger devil, he was smug as before but shown as level of… seduction. _'SEDUCTION! How could I even find this perverted old man attractive? Or… alluring… Or, or… Yeesh, just hurry up and- _HOLY SHIT!'

The last bit of his thoughts came out in a yell, as he glared down at the intrusion in his boxers. He could hear the other's laughing ringing in his ears. It made his stomach turn, the feeling making him squirm. This wasn't exactly what he had been expecting but… "What's that look on your face for?"

Nero's glare stared the other in the eyes. If he wasn't disgusted earlier, he was now. Or just officially creeped out. "Errr… Uh… Oh, I don't know… Maybe the fact that you just put the goddamned pizza down my pants!" He roughly kicked at the other, but nothing seemed to faze him. Dante still sat peacefully on the kid's lap.

"Is there something wrong with pizza being in your pants?" Nero turned away, feeling as the other's hot breath trailed down his neck. His own breath hitched. After a while of struggling, the younger half-demon stopped, knowing there was no way of getting out this hold. He wanted to whine and cry to get the other to behave- though most of his actions ended with violence. "Well, if there's something wrong…" An eyebrow quirked upwards, "… You could always ask for it to change."

"What are you playing at?"

He was laughing again, making the other try to shove him off his body. Still, nothing fazed him. Why was he trying to piss him off? "If you want something to happen, all you have to do is ask, kid."

"Dante… I swear to God that I'll kill you if you don't get that pizza out… I kill you, wrap you in a little bow, and send you straight to hell. Get my drift?" It was a cold stare, but somewhere deep inside he felt like laughing. He didn't know why, but he did. Maybe it was the dumbfounded expression on the other's face. Sure, that was probably it.

"You sure know how to win an argument, kid… However I've already been to hell and back." He grinned sadistically, "I do applaud your enthusiasm though, kid. Let's see what else you got." That's when things turned for the worse. Well, in Nero's mind at least. His shirt was pulled up as something wet ran across like a snake. It had only just clicked in that it was the elder's tongue. It felt wrong, terribly wrong. However, he couldn't stop himself as he arched into the odd sensation. That was probably the 'green light: go' in Dante's mind because he continued his way south. The waistband of the younger demon's pant was tugged down a few inches, just enough to get to the pizza.

Nero felt the disturbance leaving as the other pulled the slices of dismantled pizza out with his free hand. The devil hunter threw it down beside the desk, it landing on top of the pizza box on the floor. Then, the hot wet returned, but slid around below the comfort line. His nose nuzzled in the exposed white hair, making Nero gasp at the contact.

His lips moved up from the lower exposed skin to the younger other's face. Dante smirked, ghosting kisses over the cheek, jaw, eyelids, everything to leave the lips for last. Nero felt dizzy. He could barely comprehend all that the other was doing to him. All he could feel was the loving touches of the half-demon and the butterflies in his stomach. Butterflies would be an understatement. It felt like the damn butterflies were having some kind of party were they were all in a mosh pit.

Their lips met, molding together at once. Dante's free hand rested on the kid's neck, his other releasing the other's hands to do whatever they pleased as he ran that hand over his chest. It felt toned, very toned for his age. Though, he would want to feel it without the useless shirt on. _'All in good time, Dante. All in good time…'_

Nero practically melted into the kiss, feeling as he reacted in a way that pleased the elder. It confused him to no end. His actions- of course. None of his actions were acting upon reason. Reason. Reason sounded good about now. Shouldn't he act upon reason? However, impulse… Impulse described the reaction more. It seemed that his arms had a mind of their own as they caressed and soaked in the feel of the other. Each muscle, the sweat from chasing him around the office made the texture smooth. Yeah, reason was completely out of the picture…

They pulled back once they remembered that they needed their daily intake of oxygen. Only seconds past until they were at it once more, this time with more need. They clung to each other, trying to make it so there was no space between them. It was needy. Almost animalistic in a way as they fought for dominance over the kiss. It ended like the two somehow knew it would, Dante slipping in his tongue and tasting the kid like he was his shot of heroin for the day. It was demanding, causing the younger devil hunter to moan and cling onto the other's shoulder with his Devil Bringer.

The younger devil found his other hand tangling with the other's white hair. Something stuck in his mind though, making him slowly push back from the kiss. His expression was a mixture of somewhat distraught and obvious disgust. "Jesus, Dante…" He pulled his human hand out of the white mess only to find that it was now covered in cheese and sauce. _'That's… really disturbing.'_

Dante smirked. He took the other's hand and ran his tongue over his palm. Somehow, he expected to see Nero frown at the action. However he just stared curiously, feeling the warmth of the other. Gradually, he pulled back to plant another reassuring kiss on the younger's lips.

Nero couldn't help it this time. He had been holding the feeling back and the thoughts that had been running through his mind wasn't making it any better. Chuckles escaped his parted lips as they pulled back. The action was greeted with a raised eyebrow and confused expression. "What's so funny kid?"

"Is this…" He bit down on his bottom lip, trying to compose himself. "Is this _you_ trying to be _romantic_?"

"You got a problem with it?" Nero showed a quick expression that told he was thinking it over. Then he perked up and crushed their lips together as before. A soft groan could be heard as Dante adjusted himself so he could slide off with ease. Their lips broke apart and Nero only had enough time to blink before he was lifted up and slung over the elder's shoulders.

"Wha- What are you doing, old man!" He was kicking and screaming the whole time as he was carried over to who-knows-where. Truthfully, his mind wasn't working at all. Hell, he could be taking him to Mars for all he knew. When there was no answer, he watched as the older devil began pacing himself towards the stairs. What was he doing, caveman antics?

The rich laughter of the other filled his ears once again, making his heart quicken. His hand moved up to rest right on the kid's ass, making the other beat on his back harder than before. Which, in turn, made Dante's fits of laughter increase. "Lighten up, kid. Let's get ourselves cleaned up, or do you really want to smell like pizza all day?"

"No." Continuing to free himself wasn't exactly working, but it didn't matter. Dante thought this was funny? Was he insane? This wasn't something that he should kidding around with if he respected and valued his life. "Just… put me down, you ass."

"Don't mess with my romantic advances, kid. It's all part of the plan!"

They had made it up to the second floor where Dante kicked open the bathroom door with a tight hold on Nero. However, it didn't cause the other to struggle less. Or stop cursing at him for that matter. "Damn you!"

"What can I say? It's love, war, and pizza- all of which I have specialize in. You've just picked the wrong person to go up against, kid."

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><p>-End of Oneshot- Again, I was totally bored when typing this while eating pizza which I am now faintly sick of. Nothing else is going on though besides me listening to youtube videos and playing Minecraft. I suck, I know. I should be working on some of my other 'In progress' stories, I know. This was cheesy in so many was, I know. *is shot* I just... know... So… Before I depart… Anyone want a pizza war? I bet it would be fun. <em>Hint, hint<em>…

Review if you wish, tell me what you think, tell me what's going through your mind.

YourConscience813


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